My physical pain is so extraordinary every single day. I don’t have words to describe my intense experience. I’m stopped in so many ways. I can barely function. Many days of the week I cannot move my body. I have completely stopped exercising. I stopped my fitness class and weight training in December 2025. The pain derived from movement increases to levels I can no longer sustain. I can’t get through the rest of the day after a workout. I wake up every morning between 3-7am with a headache. I always have a semi-headache at all times. It’s become increasingly difficult to speak and move my mouth to formulate words, particularly for long durations of time. This has caused me to progressively isolate. It is a huge challenge being with people in a casual way and especially in a professional way. It feels like I have tiny needles piercing through my gums at the root of every tooth of my mouth to the tips of my teeth for 3 years, every single day, all day long. It’s unbearable. It’s unlivable. The pain NEVER stops. From the moment I open my eyes, until I close them at night, the pain is always there. For the last 1095 days straight. If the pain were anywhere but in my head and teeth, I could function, I could think, I could speak, I could smile without pain, I could actually connect with people. My head and face is my control center. It is my presentation. I use my head, face, and mouth to express myself. But I can’t. I can’t express my authentic self, I can’t connect, I can’t shoot, I can’t even exercise. This also means anything sexual is painful. Breath meditations are painful. Eating is painful. I can’t believe this is happening to me for so long. I’ve tried everything I can to help myself. The isolation and the inability or lack of desire from others on the outside to empathize with me or hear my lived experience is as crippling as the diagnosis. I’m hoping a skilled Canadian practitioner is the one who can help me heal.

I would give anything to be able to exercise again. My passion….

To shoot again. My profession….

To enjoy the company of others again without masking pain. My hope…..

To have deep, philosophical conversations late into the evening hours. My dream…..

To make love with another human being without searing pain. My soul….

I cannot bear this. Anymore….